The Me in Mother

On Thursday, we had a great speaker at MOPS. She was the mom of one of our MOPS moms and is from Holland, MI. She spoke on Mothering. One of the things she said was “Don’t take the ME out of Mother, but rather the OTHER out of MOTHER.” Simply stated, we don’t get/make/take/create enough time for ourselves once we become mothers.

She also said that we, as moms, do not have enough time for ourselves and we need to carve that time out. We need to find the things we enjoy and do them. I leaned over to Ronda and said, "I feel a blog coming on!"

What are hobbies? Webster defines hobby as: a pursuit outside one's regular occupation engaged in especially for relaxation. So now my question is "what is relaxation" (ok, besides what my husband might deem relaxation)? To quote Webster: 1: the act of relaxing or state of being relaxed 2: a relaxing or recreative state, activity, or pastime: diversion 3: the lengthening that characterizes inactive muscle fibers or muscles.

Somehow I think all of those definitions would be appropriate. As a mom, I find that none of these necessarily describes me or how I feel too often. Please don’t think I’m saying “Poor me” or “I never get time to myself”, I’m just stating that the ME time is almost unheard of at this stage in the game.

Do you remember your single days? (For some they seem much further back than others!) Remember how you could decide to take a nap when YOU decided to? Or how you could just spend a Saturday lazily reading a book (in your pj’s) and not feeling guilty (ok, a little guilty because that term paper wasn’t finished yet!)? Or how you could go do whatever it is that you loved to do without questions from children (of all things) or others…except maybe your mom? I miss that. I really love reading books, but find I hardly ever get to do that. I really wish that I could figure out how to spend the time reading a book and still do everything else that needs to be done in a day. I’ve thought about getting up earlier, but my mom will vouch for the fact that I am NOT a morning person. I’d much rather stay up LATE on a “roll” (working hard on some project/cleaning/etc) then to get up early. Mornings weren’t made for me! I must admit that since we moved here, I’ve been working out 3 mornings a week (after dropping Lilly off at school), and have seen a HUGE difference (6 inches in the waist and 4 in the hips) and have found this to be something that makes me feel better, LOOK BETTER, be more confident, and helps me create a better outlook for my day. This has become a necessity in my day. If I don’t’ work out, I regret it as the day goes on. I also sleep better.

Now, back to that whole hobby thing. Our speaker was talking about how we needed to find what we like to do and not do what we don’t like to do. Does that include not cleaning the house? Will it get done any other way? I could only wish! (Banker girls?) Since I can’t afford a housekeeper, I am that housekeeper. Since I can’t afford a nanny, I am the nanny. Since I wanted to keep Katy home with me for another year, I am the teacher. Since I have a business, I am the businesswoman. Since I am not on MOPS Steering this year, I’m NOT a Steering Team member…and boy has it been wonderful! Nothing against it, but one tends to get burned out after awhile. I was on Steering for 6.5 years! That’s a long time. I was Publicity for 3.5 and Coordinator for 3. I so can feel the burn out my friend Ronda is dealing with right now! It’s been great just being able to attend MOPS and be a “pew sitter” this year. (I don’t think I will end up being a Pew-sitter next year though…) Next year is my last year as a MOP. Katy starts Kindergarten. It seems nearly impossible. Some days I get excited thinking about how I’ll have time to myself each day, but then I get sad because Katy and I are having so much fun together. She’s my buddy. We go everywhere together. She goes to the gym with me, to the store, to run errands, all kinds of places with me. We enjoy our time together.

When I started this blog entry, I asked what are hobbies…so, I guess I’ll sit here and see if I can come up with some that I might enjoy now…

Reading
Writing
Working out
Having time with friends (usually entails eating)
Eating Ice cream…peanut butter cup, please… or maybe coffee ice
cream, but I hate drinking coffee
I enjoy throwing a football around
The thrill of a clean house, office, etc
Snuggling with my honey (not by the fire since we don’t have a
fireplace) while watching a good chick flick
Listening to music…Michael W. Smith, Amy Grant, FFH, Go Fish
Learning…by reading, taking a seminar, or listening to a cd
Sleeping in

Ok, here is where it gets hard…I can’t think of many more. I know there are more, but they get harder and harder to think of.

So, I guess there are some hobbies, but I don’t get to enjoy any of them often. I’m told there will come a day when I will “regain” my life and the ME time, and I will greatly miss the little ones, the noise of the kids (definitely not the fighting), and perhaps even the mess, although it might take a LONG time for that one! I am doing my best to enjoy the girls while they are here. The time is going so fast.